At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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