we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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