Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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