I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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