By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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