Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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