hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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