then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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