Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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