I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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