so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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