Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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