There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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