you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
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some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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