I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize