ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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