apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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