At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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