Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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