dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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