2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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