it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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