xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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