loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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