woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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