sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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The beer is more important than you right now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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