my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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