hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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