She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize