did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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