i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
