So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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