Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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