So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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