Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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