so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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