he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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