a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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