im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pooping to opera.
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