Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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