Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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