I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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