I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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