put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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