Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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