He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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