i think my tv is drunk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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