im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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