The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize