Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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