We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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