He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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